Citizens, it is with a profound sense of imminent dread that I write this latest post – as mentioned previously, I am going to share with you a few British Indian Restaurant (BIR)-style curries using my own version of a curry base. The Brits enjoy many different styles of curries, but none is as legendary, feared and potentially lethal as the Phall – it was clearly invented just for special customers who always complained the curry was never ‘hot enough’ – as a way to help them forever STFU.
How unbearably hot is the hottest phall ever made, you may ask? IT’S THIS HOT – read if you dare!
Now, most versions of phall (also spelled phaal) won’t cause you to vomit repeatedly and wish for the sweet release of death, but they all are EPIC in their heat levels – any phall that doesn’t make you instantly pray for divine assistance isn’t truly worthy of the name.
Mine is indeed worthy – BE WARNED! 🙂
As noted in the Curry House FAQ:
In a restaurant the hottest is the Phall. It’s a restaurant invention to satisfy 2 types of customer:
1) The true Chile-Head who has an unusually high tolerance to chillies and genuinely enjoys extremely hot food
2) The would-be Chile-Head who, after half a dozen pints too many, reckons he can eat the hottest curry in the house. He usually gets about half way and then (multiple choice here) starts crying / passes out / accuses the restaurant of serving bad curry and refuses to pay the bill.
As further noted on curryculture.co.uk:
For those of you who think you can cope with fiery food, phall (sometimes spelt fall, phaal, phal or paal) is a British Asian dish that is one of the hottest (often the hottest) on the menu.
Phall is basically a thick, tomato based curry made with Habanero or Scotch Bonnet peppers (up to 10 to 12 of them). It originated in Indian Restaurants in the UK so it’s not the most “authentic” dish and shouldn’t be mixed up with Phaal from Bangalore which is char-grilled without sauce and eaten as finger-food.
So is Phall spicy for the sake of it or does it actually taste of anything?
One point we noted from our research is that not many Asian people eat Phall. We think it’s a creation aimed at men (mainly) who want to prove they are “hard” by eating it.
A quick trawl of You Tube can show the after effects and we’re sure it’s a big hit amongst the Student community.
Some restaurants offer special prizes to those who finish the dish and some, such as the Brick Lane Curry House, take it even further by organising “The Phall challenge” – if you manage to finish it, you get a place on the Brick Lane P’hall of fame.
Here is one example of a manly man eating his first phall – it did not go well.
Have I frightened you – if so, fear not! My version of phall is indeed very hot, but I have toned it down so you can actually taste not just the burn, but the flavors BEHIND the burn as well!
If you can tolerate most spicy food, you will enjoy this as long as you have some milk nearby to cool your mouth down! You can also amp up the heat level to ludicrous, if you’re so inclined.
Citizens, if this is your first introduction to phall – please eat carefully! Take one spoonful, savor it, and see how it sits. Only after waiting 30 seconds should you proceed and please be sure to keep a large container of milk at the ready – it will help neutralize the heat.
As a way to help you better control the heat level, I have cut back the number of habaneros from 12 to 3 and added in a few drops of some of the hottest hot sauce in the world in their place – 1,000,000 Scoville Units hot, which is potentially lethal.
Wear gloves when handling the bottle and pouring and for God’s sake don’t touch your eyes before removing the gloves and washing your hands thoroughly.
Fear not, you can easily leave this out – just taste the phall BEFORE adding any of this supernova-level hot sauce – you can buy it here. Unlike hot sauce extract, which is pure pain and no flavor, this HAS wonderful depth of flavor AND the heat of a thousand flaming suns!
Underneath the foundation of molten lava, you will indeed taste all the glorious spices, curry base and other ingredients that make up the phall – finding that balance is what makes TFD‘s phall recipe truly unmatched! There are at least 5 different kinds of hot peppers in my version, playing out a veritable symphony of heat in your mouth!
Enjoy responsibly, Citizens – and know that my next British curry recipe is FAR less deadly. 🙂
Battle on – the Generalissimo
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The Hirshon British Indian Restaurant Phall Curry of Spontaneous Combustion
- Total Time: 0 hours
Ingredients
- 3 tbsp. vegetable oil
- 1/4 onion, finely chopped
- 2 cloves garlic, finely sliced
- 1 tbsp. garlic & ginger puree
- 4 1/2 tbsp. tomato paste, mixed with some water to thin it
- 1 tsp. kosher salt
- ***
- 1/2 tbsp. curry mix powder made from:
- 2 tbsp. coriander seed powder
- 1 tbsp. cumin powder
- 1 tbsp. turmeric powder
- 1 tbsp. cayenne
- 1 tbsp. smoked sweet paprika
- 1/2 tsp. ground ginger
- 1/2 tsp. mustard powder
- 1/2 tsp. cardamom powder
- 1/2 tsp. black pepper powder
- ***
- 3 tbsp. Kashmiri chili powder
- 1 tsp. fennel seeds
- 3 habanero peppers, de-seeded and minced
- 2 tbsp. red chili flakes – TFD prefers Korean gochugaru
- 2 cups Curry Base gravy
- Precooked meat – lamb or chicken are both classics
- 1/2 tbsp. light brown sugar
- A few drops of red food coloring
- 1/2 tsp. deadly-spicy hot sauce or to taste (this is very, VERY optional – please be CAREFUL WITH IT!)
- 1 tbsp. minced Cilantro to garnish
Instructions
- Heat the oil in a pan and add the chopped onion, fry for two minutes or until the onion is starting to take on some color, then add the garlic and ginger puree, chilies and the extra garlic cloves and fry for 30 seconds or so.
- Now add the thinned tomato paste, stir in quickly before adding the mix powder and chili powder to the pan, mix all the ingredients and fry for a minute.
- Add the salt and half of the base gravy, stir thoroughly and cook until it begins to boil. Now add the meat or vegetables, fennel seeds and crushed chili flakes, mix well and cook for 2 minutes.
- Next add the remaining base gravy, sugar and mix well. Cook until the sauce has reduced nicely, it should be quite thick. Add the food coloring if using and stir well, the curry should be a deep vibrant red (for danger).
- Garnish and serve.
- Prep Time: 0 hours
- Cook Time: 0 hours
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